


In The Beginning: Part 10

by EliDeetz



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Gabriel being kind of a dick, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, Kali being kind of a dick, no beta we die like men, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-20
Updated: 2019-08-20
Packaged: 2020-09-18 22:10:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,606
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20320318
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EliDeetz/pseuds/EliDeetz
Summary: Part of @archangelgabriellives Gabriel origin story collab THIS TOOK FOREVER, IM SORRY.





	In The Beginning: Part 10

It wasn’t often that he went that far, on the top of a, yet to be discovered by humans, mountain. The air there felt different as it entered his body, crisp and new. He chuckled bitterly at that thought, implying the oxygen back “home” was dirty and almost non existent.

Truth be told, he felt suffocated, breathless… and it was all _her_ fault.

Not much time had passed since she finally let him in, and it had been better than he imagined, at the beginning at least. Gabriel had stupidly figured once she let him in everything would be easier, he loved her after all. It was supposed to be easy being with someone you love, wasn’t it?

But his love wasn’t enough, not when she seemed keen on pushing him away and testing every thread of his patience. 

When he thought about it more deeply, his love had never been enough. It wasn’t with the goddess and it sure as hell hadn’t been when he tried to keep his family together, to keep his brothers from fighting, to make his father care in the slightest when everything was falling apart.

Gabriel had never felt he was enough, not in the slightest. Maybe that’s why he’d resorted to pretend being someone else, carry himself differently, let go of the archangel he’d tried to be for millennia. For a long time he tried to convince himself it had worked. 

As he sat at the top of the lonely mountain, sulking like there was nothing more interesting to do in the universe but stare at the sky, he realized how wrong he was.

The archangel felt empty, more alone than ever, even more so than when he fled from heaven, and incredibly lost. For a while, Kali seemed to be the answer to everything, he thought she was all he’d been missing. That warmth and love one can only get from someone who cares about you, who loves you. 

The goddess didn’t truly loved him, that was for sure. It was_ her_ fault.

A drop of water hit the tip of his nose, and his eyes suddenly unfocused from the nothingness he’d been staring at. Gabriel hadn’t noticed when the sky turned gray, and a familiar rumbling filled in the silence. It wasn’t long until the rain began pouring down on him.

Thunder hit the rocks beneath him, grazing the tips of his toes. It felt like a buzz, making him feel more warmth than that he’d been receiving from the goddess in a while. His jaw clenched as he chuckled bitterly, gripping whatever mud he could grab as he clenched his fists. He was filled with rage, pain, longing, loneliness. 

Why did he always allow others to get to him like this?

That last thought washed over him like ice cold water, making him halt in every way possible. His amber eyes widened and his mouth fell open, not being able to care about all the wind and rain irritating his vessel. 

As much as he didn’t want to admit it, as much as he’d tried to avoid being like that: he was acting just like Lucifer.

Something bubbled inside his stomach, and it wasn’t good. It burned, like he’d swallowed lava. He brought his hands up to rub his face, trying to make his sudden headache fade away. When he finally stopped doing it, he stared at them and felt the mud all over his features. 

Warm, salty drops of water fell over his palms, and a violent sob broke free from his chest. 

Once again, he’d been wrong. For every single thing, every negative thought, every bad feeling: it was all on_ him_. 

* * *

He was greeted by silence, which would usually surprise him. Kali had always been particularly vocal when she was upset, so to go back and have her say absolutely nothing, was definitely strange. Perhaps she hadn’t even noticed he’d been gone.

Yet he didn’t bother to investigate, not even to see if she was still around. Gabriel arrived and removed his garments, letting them disappear into thin air as he did so. He relished in the way the damp dirt felt against his feet.

“Really outdid yourself with all of that,” he muttered, momentarily talking to his father. He knew he wouldn’t listen, no one would, it’d slipped, as if he did it on a daily basis.

One of his hands moved on his own, and he palmed the closest tree there was, feeling its rugged bark tickle his palm. Gabriel needed it, he needed to ground himself, find comfort in the one thing that he loved more than himself at that moment: Earth. He began to consider going back there, away from Asgard.

“Where did you run to?”

He frowned, feeling that bitterness poured down his throat once more. The voice that once felt like music to his ears, was now an irritating sound ruining his silence.

“Away… mostly from you,” Gabriel spat without considering his words, or the tone he used. 

Kali held back a gasp, he could tell but she would never admit it. “Whatever childish rage you are holding right now, you can keep it. We have somewhere to be.” She crossed her arms in front of her chest, whoever saw her would think she was upset, but he knew better.

He’d hurt her, and she was soothing herself without realizing. 

“If you are talking about _my_ family’s celebration, I’m not going.” He quickly replied, turning his head towards her just enough for his next words: “And, even if we were, you were _not_ invited.”

Kali sighed, rolling her eyes as she walked into her chambers. “Stop acting like you are tough, I will meet you there at dawn.” She ordered, not giving him chance to argue, leaving a bitter taste on his tongue. 

* * *

The festivities were as cheerful and energetic as always, they hadn’t been there long yet Thor had nearly drank everybody under the table already. Gods, Goddesses and Asgardians ran and danced all around, happiest as they could be.

Unfortunately, that happiness could not rub off on Gabriel.

Everybody seemed to notice, for no one dared to even to take a look in his direction. Not even Kali, who had left his side as soon as they arrived to the party. 

Needless to say, he felt worse than before, miserable, forced into obedience by Kali. She was the one who wanted to be there, not him. It made him start to question how many times he’d found himself in that very same spot, between a rock and a hard place. 

The question kept swirling inside his mind, becoming louder by the second. A deafening sound was ringing in his ears, and his eyes were unfocused, making him see white.

_“Loki!”_

Gabriel snapped out of the strange place his mind had wandered to, finding everybody around quiet, and staring straight at him. It took him a moment to realize Kali had been the one to call him.

“What do you think you are doing?” She hissed, glaring at him as if to intimidate him.

He looked around, noticing the sky full of dark clouds, thunder falling dangerously close to them, threatening to split the place in half. It was his grace, begging to pour out of him, affected by the state of his mind, heart and soul.

“This is _not_ the time, _nor the place_, for your tricks and stupid illusions. Look around you.” Kali nearly stumbled with her own words, trying to force him into submission once more. “Everybody is having fun while you are by yourself, having a meltdown like a fool.”

His eye twitched, feeling how the last thread of composure he had left vanished into thin air. “Do not speak to me like that, as if you were above me, or even anywhere near where I stand. You are nothing compared to me, and if you cannot grasp that concept then I suggest you stay away.”

Kali’s eyes were wide as she stared at him, her lips pressed into a thin line. She was beyond upset, and Gabriel could feel it in the way her entire body trembled. 

“If that is what you wish for then I suggest you are the one to leave, nobody wants you here anymore.” The Goddess walked away, always leaving him no room to say a single word. 

But he didn’t need to, not anymore.

Gabriel turned around, ready to walk away, but an odd feeling stopped him. He looked down, to his fist, where he felt himself holding something that wasn’t there before. He opened it to find a flower bud, standing perfectly still on the palm of his hand. 

It was a lotus flower, the exact same one Kali had given him a while ago.

The bud began to open up, blooming and then, almost immediately, wilting. The once fresh and bright flower, turned crisp and dull. But it didn’t stop there, and Gabriel watched as the lotus flower kept deteriorating, until it was nothing but putrid, rotten mess. 

He turned his hand and let it fall at his feet, then turned to Kali, who had already joined a group of gods and was focused on her own things and conversations. It was as if their fight had never happened.

The archangel took a deep breath in, and realized what was left for him to do.

Without a second thought, he turned around and walked. He walked until he was as far away from the Pagans as he could, and unleashed his wings leaving to the only place he knew there would be peace.

Earth.


End file.
